“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.” –Mark Twain
I know that having community and bearing pain with another at your side is helpful. Beneficial. Healthy. But I love this quote. Because it is true at least for me, that in my dark moments, my instinct is to bury my head in my pillow and throw the covers over myself in tears. But when there is joy…. I just gotta tell someone! Share it!
I see this all the time in my 2 year old. “Mom, come and see!” “Mom, watch this!” “Mom, oooh, look at that!” My Levi is a constant sharer of joy. He and his buddy Henry cause each other some tears… but even more beautiful is the laughter and good times they share.
We have to teach our kids to share their toys. To share their space. To share their life, their will, their priorities. But joy… it is freely given. And then multiplied! I cannot begin to tell you how many times my kids make me laugh during the day. Many times when I shouldn’t be! But I love this reflection of God in us.
There was a season, just a few short months ago as my postpartum depression kicked in, when my laughter was harder to come by. And so these days I am so grateful for the easy laughter that comes to my lips, shared with my son and daughter. And especially those grins and snickers shared through meaningful eyes with my hubby-love 🙂
I praise God for his word in Job 8:21 –
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.”
I am weary. I am weary of the world and the crappy things in it. I am tired of it being broken, groaning as in childbirth, and in pain. Are we really not to the last days yet?
Being a mother is hard. I am finally realizing it’s hard just because it is; not because I’m doing it wrong, as one friend recently realized herself. How right she is. There is nothing like motherhood to help you realize what a hot mess you really are. I think I always was…. It’s just that being a mom strips you down to what really lies underneath all the stuff of fluff you live with on top of your deep down soul, and low and behold… we are sinners. Uck.
I am weary of life being full of hard things. Tomorrow is a hard thing. Tomorrow our church family buries a beloved baby girl, who met Jesus after being on this earth for only three weeks. She didn’t even get to go home and see the beautiful place and people that were supposed to be hers. Today I picked out what my own baby girl would wear to another baby’s girl funeral. They should have grown up to be friends. I know one is with Jesus and she is oh so happy about that. But we are not. That was not supposed to happen yet.
I am weary of the tears and hard days. The hard days that are dark, and you know the darkness will lift, and you know your kids and husband love you and are not trying to get on your nerves, but they just are because it’s a dark day. And guilt comes because you know it’s not them, it’s you. It’s you who are broken, just like the rest of this weary world.
Thankfully, I don’t have the last word.
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – Jesus, John 16:33