Weary…

I don’t feel like writing. I am weary. But five minutes. Five minutes will help. (Because self care is soul care.) Ready. GO.

weary
Written as part of the Five Minute Friday online community

I am weary. I am weary of the world and the crappy things in it. I am tired of it being broken, groaning as in childbirth, and in pain. Are we really not to the last days yet?

Being a mother is hard. I am finally realizing it’s hard just because it is; not because I’m doing it wrong, as one friend recently realized herself. How right she is. There is nothing like motherhood to help you realize what a hot mess you really are. I think I always was…. It’s just that being a mom strips you down to what really lies underneath all the stuff of fluff you live with on top of your deep down soul, and low and behold… we are sinners. Uck.

I am weary of life being full of hard things. Tomorrow is a hard thing. Tomorrow our church family buries a beloved baby girl, who met Jesus after being on this earth for only three weeks. She didn’t even get to go home and see the beautiful place and people that were supposed to be hers. Today I picked out what my own baby girl would wear to another baby’s girl funeral. They should have grown up to be friends. I know one is with Jesus and she is oh so happy about that. But we are not. That was not supposed to happen yet.

I am weary of the tears and hard days. The hard days that are dark, and you know the darkness will lift, and you know your kids and husband love you and are not trying to get on your nerves, but they just are because it’s a dark day. And guilt comes because you know it’s not them, it’s you. It’s you who are broken, just like the rest of this weary world.

STOP.

Thankfully, I don’t have the last word.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – Jesus, John 16:33

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Others in the Valley

Last week I wrote about blessings in the valley – how though I am going through a “low” period in life right now, God is showing me there are blessings here. Well this week I am learning something else.

Just from bumping elbows with others in my world this week, I have discovered I am not alone. I am not the only parent who has wondered what the heck to do when their infant will not nap. I am not the only mom to struggle with the decision to take medication while breastfeeding. I am not the only one seeking help from a Christian therapist who is real and gets it.

And you know how I realized I was not alone?

I said to those around me, “Hey, you know what, we’re struggling with this… could you pray for us?”

When I reached out, their reply was “Hey sure, and by the way, me too….”

So it turns out that I’m walking through this valley not just for God to teach me… but to be there with others too. I see positive ripples affecting those around me because of the struggles I have faced. My eyes are seeing the truth of Paul’s words played out in my life when he said, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

We are SO NOT ALONE!!!! And IN OUR WEAKNESS WE ARE STRONG because of Jesus.

Through our struggles he uniquely places us within the tapestry of the body of Christ, to weave together his plan of redemption for his Kingdom. It makes no sense to use weak thread, and yet he works through it – us – and makes “beautiful things out of the dust” (see song by Gungor).  He turns my valley of trouble into a place of hope.

I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (which means trouble) a door of hope. Hosea 2:14b-15a

How cool of our God is that?