dreaming…

Lately I have been sensing a call, a change in direction for my life. So I have been asking God a lot of questions, doing a lot of pondering, and attempting to listen best I can. Here are some of my ramblings, and then God’s answer to me, inspired by the Five Minute Friday prompt, “protect.”

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I try to sit in contentment, which is hard, because my heart is a dreamer, made for a longer journey – eyes on the final prize and never completely comfortable in a world that is not my home.

I love the Church. It is beautiful. God’s people are beautiful. And yet we are so broken. God’s kingdom is so much greater, his vision so much beyond what the church looks like in America in 2016. My dreams for it are so much bigger. So great that trying to make a chip in that iceberg seems like an effort in futility. Foolish. Not worth my time, money, energy. I am just one person, and the cynicism (wisdom?) of my 32 years has left some naivety (optimism?) of youth behind.

Can I dream again? Can my heart stay whole, knowing now that “chasing a dream” of obedience to God is right and good, though it may be hard, difficult, confusing, and still leaving me feeling incomplete in this world? Knowing I will still be broken, still dealing with anger, depression, jealousy, pride & selfishness, because I’m human and those things in me won’t completely die until I’m resurrected?

Can I rest in Christ and run his race at the same time?

He says to me,

I will protect you my child. I am your strong tower. You may run to me and be saved. I give you the shield of faith, to extinguish the flaming arrows of the enemy. I give you my Word, to be your weapon and sword. I give you the gospel of peace, which lets you rest in the middle of war. I have fitted you with what you need – my Spirit, a helper. I am your shepherd, so you have everything you need. You can run your race. The path will include some still waters. You can climb mountains, because I will make them low for you. I will straighten your path, not let your foot stumble. You will fly on eagle’s wings, just as I shelter you with mine. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart – I have overcome the world.

Amen.

I pray you may know God’s protection as you let him fashion your dreams.

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3 thoughts on “dreaming…

  1. Yes! I totally get this. Coming from a fellow dreamer who doesn’t know one minute to the next whether to charge ahead or be frozen in the magnitude of need/calling, I get this. For me, what has helped is to focus on the dream, and also to focus on the next thing. What does today look like? Who needs love and ministry today? How can I do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God today? Yes, protect the dream. Great thoughts. Your FMF neighbor. #28 today.

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  2. Kat, this is so well written, and so heartfelt…you hang in there with the dreams. You” be protected.

    Sometimes, as illness has worn me down, I have wondered if my dreams were worth anything at all, in the end…the dreams I won’t now see to fruition.

    But as a Christian I have to believe, am constrained to believe that their very existence and survival is what matters. We have to put their future into God’s hands. Somehoe I think He is saving up the broken pieces for us, and will delight in our surprise and joy when we reach Heaven, and find our dreams preserved, and ready for our hands and hearts to engage again.

    #1 at FMF this week.

    http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2016/06/your-dying-spouse-175-protecting-who.html

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